July !

Hard to accept that july passed so fast, sh is leaving in about 10 days time.
i don know what should i do with the remainings of 10 days, i sense fear, worry and hard to let her go.
but she have her dream to chase, i will have to let go.
she will always be in my heart no matter where i am or where she go.

i wish that one day she won't have to leave me anymore.
i shall learn how to be strong and wait for her to return.

SIHAN I LOVE YOU.

GOAL !

Never mind Jason Lo or my team i am not talking about football or world cup.
I am talking about myself ! my goal ! my dream !
what do i want to archieve 5 years from now?
where i want to work ?
what car i wanted to drive???
how much i want to earn???
how do i do it??
what should i do tomorrow, 1 year from now, 2 years,3 yrs or 4yrs from now where should i be???
I will be the one who decide all this !

I have to find my goal !
I want to be successful.
I must control my life.

i put this all up in my blog because i wanted to remind myself !
If i failed due to my lazyness, i shall die !
buddha will be with me !

some photo !

do i look smart????
hehehehe

28 hours

Nop i am not going to tell you about the 24 hours series in tv,
i found that spending previous 28 hours with sh can keep me moving for the next 28 months,
eventhough i will miss her but still i will have to let go. 28 hours is enough for me to feel that she is in my heart for the next 28 months.
Well maybe i am not people who are too greedy.
I have been reading a book name 'square and circle'. its about how to control our life. learning how to let things go and think positively about everthing bad that can ever happen, and the author is keep on telling that nothing is worst than death and why do we have to be successful in life.
i hate myself for not trying to do my best in everything i did. it is a damm wrong mind set to think it is ok to just pass eventhough i can score. Do i just want to be alive or to live like a successful human.
Born without any handicap but still complaining that life is unfair and miserable.
i hope i am not too late to realise that i have been a loser for the previous 20 years.
I must archieve something in my life.

After all !

After all Lara is not really leaving, after all Joel is staying, after all i am not so lonely in the future, after all CY's life as described by our future judge MR J is worst than me. so i should be grateful after all. But hey you are in good hand CY, you cannot imagine how Joel will love you so don worry just fuck your family off if you have to or if they force you to. (Joel will have to pay them the money they spend on you for the previous 19 yrs though and i think he have no fcking problem handling that since our life is full of challenging things ever since we reach maturity)

well happy to know that, tell you ppl my newest trouble SH is going to Sunway in KL, yes it is the place where the expenses is high, food sucks, not a lot of friendly people and the best part i am not there to take care of her. i know she is independant, smart etc. but hey i still cannot stop worrying, i feel so insecure for her. plus all my friends telling me how sucks the hostel she is going to live in, how sucks the food is, how hard to travel around 'safely'. especially to come back to penang by taking bus in pudu raya.
hey life is sucks man, i hope i can be there to take care of her.
she keep telling me not to worry, everything shall be ok and the only thing i can do is hope for the best.

I hope she will be coming back often enough to let me hug her, love her and pamper her.
well i guess i will have to get over it after all.
the last thing like Joel said results is coming out and i am prepare to take PTPTN to reduce my mother's burden if i have to re-sit / re-take or whatever, high probability i will have to.
and i guess i must work more than twice as hard this time, well a bit relief because at least Joel is here to help me. i will be damm lost without Joel to guide me in my study whioch i am not good at. Welcome you to PENANG chang ying. you will love this place i promise.

heard that our public master Mr Ahmad is leaving, sad to hear that.

Beautiful Night !

Well i am glad to see my best friend finally found the happiness that only belong to her, i was invited to all three ceremony , the akad nikah held in her house where Mr A went through a hard time praying with the uztaz cause everything must be in correct pronunciation but hey it is not easy to get marry to the person u love right??? and hey you did make it .Than it was the small western party in Maya hotel which i was so touched and nearly cry when Uncle K tell us how she brought up Miss L , how much love he poured in and finally have to struggle to let go because her daughter found where she belong to. and finally the grand ceremony in penang. i brought han there to witness the wedding and hope to steal some idea for our wedding in the future. Orange and White is nice.

Well i too feel lost since my friend now is someone elses wife and i think she is not as free as last time to entertain us anymore, but other side of me is happy for her since there is so many couple who went through whole life of struggle and still cannot get on the red carpet.
But still everything is happening so fast and sudden and maybe i will have to take some time to settle down and recall what had happen and put it back all together again like uncle k .

This is so not my plan, i thought i will wait for her to come back to penang for holiday after exam and have some time with her to save our friendship which heppen to be injured due to some issue, But hey like she said she is leaving ! well i guess i the only thing i can do is try to attend to all the wedding dinner and witness Aiie took her hand and take her on the route to happiness.

Nevermind how we met, why we become close, inside my heart i always love you like my sister. i know there is some times i am not there when you needed me but hey you are in my heart always and i really wanted to be there when you needed me. but myself too went through some struggle which only known to myself.

You have a beautiful wedding and you have my blessings. you have grown up and you are now a wife and enjoy your life being one ok? Mrs Aiie.
And hey some day we will met again in some where, some time ok?

An end?? or a Start???

Joel is moving to KL??? meow may follow too, the best part ! my darling is going to Sunway in KL too. me???
i think i have to stay here to take care of my responsibility/other people's welfare.
Don't know why i feel that everything have come to an end after 2 yrs in kemayan,(i heard kemayan will end too) but i doubt it. anyway the most impportant part is i no longer have close friend here in local, and i feel that i am covered by blanket of loneliness.
I hope the end of being together will not totally end our friendship and memory will not be forgotten.
La ! sorry but i really think that the dinner is like a farewell dinner for all of us. do you think so too???
but i think it is a tremendous change for your life. and i am glad to believe that the change will be a good one. i am happy to be there to see it . hey enjoy the ceremony of once in a lifetime.
He is an angel that only belong to you, remember that always !
well i think there will be a change for me soon, and i hope it will be a good one.
An end for everyone and a start for all of us too.
in 2007 i will to have a reunion dinner with all of you. my family members !
this i want to give to all of you !

silently i came
just like silently i left
my sleeve will not steal any colour of the rainbow.
and hope it will add colour to some unperfect one !